2.09AM

Ah, what is it about men's shirt (especially if he's yours) that feels so comfortable. The way how it just hangs loosely around your mid-thighs, being just the right length. There's this warm coziness that fills the space between your body and the shirt and it just feels so darn comfy that you want to wear it all day. Mmm.

* * *

On a side note, I am craving for Hawthorne Height's recent album, Fragile Future. I downloaded it last week and devoted several hours during the weekend going through it. And damn, I can say this one will stay as one of my top favourites.

Here's one of my favourite tracks off Fragile Future.

So I'm currently waiting for it finish downloading (again). I know it's redundant but I tend to do this alot. You know, with me sometimes being rather mentally pre-occupied, I'd forget to transfer newly downloaded files. Like how I forgot to transfer some important files I needed for my CCS assignment (which took me about an hour to download). But never mind, I spent another hour downloading it just now. Ha ha.

Hmm it seems as though I'm beginning to blog rather often now, no? Strange. But not necessarily a bad thing though. Doesn't keep me away from writing for too long a period.

* * *

I'm hungry. Didn't really have much of a dinner except for that garlic bread I bought from my workplace. Maybe I should get something to eat while waiting for Fragile Future to finish. ETA 10 minutes.

Yep. I think I will. An apple maybe. Healthier, no?

You wanna know what I feel most embarassed about myself? There are actually quite a few things but one of which I really, really, really detest is how easily I sweat. I'm seriously jealous of people who can experience heat without totally drenching themselves. Honestly, I break out in a sweat within a slightest increase in the temperature. Also not to mention when I'm nervous or in a hurry. Ugh, those are the worst. Imagine after getting showered, you immediately start sweating again because you're in a rush to somewhere. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

And then there's the full blown blush I get when I consume alcohol. Even before I finish 1 glass, I turn red. Not that I get wasted that fast, but it's always been like that. I read somewhere it's because my body cannot properly digest the alcohol or something. And it happens quite a lot to Asians. But I don't know, doesn't seem to happen that way to my friends? =/

Sigh. Ah well. I could go on forever rambling on all sorts of dissatisfactions I feel about myself. I know nobody's perfect, but why do I have to get stuck with 2 of the most embarassing flaws? Especially since I'm a girl. Ugh. I've already started sweating sitting here. Blasted weather.

Drinking Bees Essence

So as some of you might know, I have recently started my own online boutique! Woohoo! Please do check it out at http://chic-vigilante.blogspot.com. I've got lotsa unique pieces there and I'll be updating in these few days. So watch out!

Anyway, I fell sick a couple of days ago. Got the sniffles and sore throat. My mom thought I should see the doctor to confirm that it's not the piggy flu...and guess what, it wasn't. Yay, i guess?

And then my mom made me drink some sort of herbal soups and something called calamansi juice. But the worst was...the bees drink my mom made me. Yes I drank bees essence! Ugh. The drink was boiled with bees and some sort of salt.

At first when I saw these floating black thingys in the liquid, I thought it was those herbal flowers so I took a sip. I was expecting it to taste sweet but it was salty...and smelled sweet. Kinda like salted honey. So I asked my mom what it was...and she said it was bees. Only then I realised those "flowers" were actually gigantic bees!

Eeewwwwwww. *pukes*

I ran down to my dad and tried to make him persuade my mom not to let me drink. But he too said it was good for me. :( Sigh. So yes I drank bees. I can't believe it. 

Ughhh.

It's Weird

Hello there. I'm in the mid of my mid semester break. It's Sunday today and I woke up at 2pm. Niceee. ;) 

It feels weird today. Not anything physical or tangible. Just some weirdness about the day. Doesn't feel "normal." But it's not a bad weird either. Just odd.

I have this strange urge to head out somewhere today. Just go somewhere. Anywhere. I've asked my friend, but she's a bit tied up today. I even thought of driving over to his place to catch him for a few hours before he wakes up and leaves for work. But ah well, doubt my dad would be approving of it if he finds out. Sigh... "..I miss waking up next to you. (>.<)"

Hmm but another thought comes to mind now. Maybe I should go to the library. There's something about the library that is so calming and peaceful that always attracts me. I love the atmosphere, the smell of yellowed books, the pin drop silence...and basically anything to do with the library and its people... except for the blasted freezing cold air-conditioning. But still it feels like a great place to be in.

But if I should want to go there, I will have to wake my dad up from his nap to ask him. I did try just now, by prodding his arm a little, led to no avail. Maybe I should try harder, as literally poke him harder. Lol. This is such a weird post. It feels like I'm just typing out my thoughts as they come to me. Haha. Okay I'll go down and poke my dad again.

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Ah okay. I didn't poke or prod him. He woke up on his own. And yes he said I could go alone. So goodbye, I shall go to the library now.

My new haircut and hair color. You can't really see it from the pic. But it's called iridescent light brown. =)

Welcoming The New

(Note: I actually started this post more than a month ago but didn't finish it then.)

So yup, like the title suggests, I'm about embark on a short literary journey on embracing and welcoming the new. What this means is not only little things like the newest hairstyle or the newest music genre but rather the bigger, more crucial picture. Like for instance, accepting new ideologies. For many people especially those belonging in the older generation and conservative culture, accepting today's new way of thinking, ideas, opinions, lifestyle may seem absurd.

Hmm I actually got the thought of writing this when I heard my friend's, Kenneth, speech for a public speaking competition and also because of what happened in the first class of my degree programme. Kenneth's speech was basically about how many of us Malaysians still maintain a drab and backward mentality where anything of the new is seen as utterly absurd and taboo. We can't seem to appreciate novelty and apprehend just about anyone who is daring enough to step over the long-drawn line. 

We are known to thrive upon familiarity and tradition while turning our backs against the new and unfamiliar. I suppose this can be good and bad. How can this be good, you ask? Well okay, maybe not necessarily "good" but it keeps us away from deteriorating as a society. Today I learned a new word- chav. It's a term used on young people in the UK. Chavs are typically white aggressive teens who dress up in immitation branded sports or casual clothing. It is generally comparable to America's "white trash." 

Chavs only came about during the 2000s, which is very recent. Chavs are thought be some cultural evolution of some previous youth subculture like skinheads or mods. 

Anyway, back to what I mentioned earlier about the tendency of us Asians to sidestep the new yet it can be somewhat a "good" thing. The example is as above. The people of the UK and especially the US is widely known to have a very "open" mindset. Underage alcoholism, teen pregnancy and delinquency in the US and UK is not unheard of but rather common. I suppose this is due to the very free and open culture they live in.

So yes, we Asians are still not there yet but...I think we're catching up soon. Anyhow there are some things that we Asians should learn to embrace. Like the example Kenneth gave in his speech, our methods and ideas for advertising. For decades and decades, we have seen the same ideas and concepts repeated over and over again. Are we that stubborn in our ways that we perceive creativity and novelty as inappropriate? Perhaps we are afraid of what may come in the future, that too much of the new might corrupt the minds of the younger ones. But what with globalization, I have a feeling that the efforts of our elders will be futile. Although small but there are evident advancements in our Asian society, people are becoming more daring in voicing out and expressing their ideas. We are stepping out of our comfort zone to explore the new and make something of it. But at the same time, we cannot deny that times are getting bad these days. The worst side of human beings are surfacing everyday. Perhaps it's a plus minus thing, where with the good comes the bad.

I don't know...we will know soon eh? 

[Alright, I'm running out of things to say already. So I'm gonna leave it at that. Til' the next post then.]

I Wish...

What's happening to me? Where has it all gone to?

Where was I? How did I get here?

Why so?

Sigh.

I wish I never lost it. The yearning...and the enthusiaism.

I need inspiration. Desperately. Or...I'm gonna hate what's gonna happen. 

Dissapointment

If I ever to name one of the worst ever emotion to feel, it would be disappointment. I think almost everyone dread having to feel disappointed - whether with ourselves or others. It happens when our actions or those of others were unexpected. It comes as a sort of heavy, dreaded feeling of hoping what just happened is not actually real, but you know that it is pointless to hope.

I have felt disappointed at myself for countless times. Especially after exams. There would be this annoying heavy feeling that would pull me down by reminding me of how I should have worked harder. Usually, it'll bother me for a while before I finally learn to accept and get over it.

Many people actually think that self-disappointment is a much harder blow to endure than feeling disappointed with others. But I beg to differ. This is because I think that even when you feel disappointed with yourself, there is a chance for you to encourage yourself to not do it again. Whereas with others, you can't actually decide their further behaviour. It's like something beyond your control. And sometimes you can't get over it. Because with yourself, you tend to love yourself more and that makes it easier to let the disappointment go, unlike with others.

Sigh well it's not a very rewarding feeling. To feel let down or disappointed by someone - your friend, loved one or  even a stranger. You really just wish that things didn't happen that way. But then again, should you really care? Does it really concern you? Perhaps...and perhaps not. Sometimes I think it's better to just ignore and live your own life.

That's it, mind my own business. 

It's All About Sharing

Like many of my other posts here, this is something which suddenly occured to me some weeks ago and then I forgot about it for a while before it came back to me again. I think I should make it a habit to carry around a notepad and pen with me so that when I get a sudden epiphany or realisation I can jot it down. Trust me, there are countless times when I get sudden flashes of thoughts and had to let it go because I didn't have anywhere to write them. And these kinda thoughts usually come and go just as quickly.

Anyway, for this time it's gonna be about why do we study things which would not be necessary for our usage in the future. I know, being a student myself, many other students do not see the reason why we have to learn anything beyond basic maths and calculations or the process of rainfall. We think that if it does not contribute to anything we do in the future, why bother?

But then I realised that it's not really so much about whether we will or not use it. Rather it's very much in relation with how we human beings like to show and tell others about something we have discovered. Just think about it, let's say you made an incredible discovery about something which has yet to be learnt by others. Wouldn't you want others to acknowledge your findings and have them see things the way you did? Wouldn't you want to pass on the knowledge you have gained? Yes! Of course you would.

So that pretty much explains why we need to learn about the Pythagoras Theory or Newton's Laws of Motion. These people have made great discoveries and believe that others should know about it too. At this point, some might think, "Like I care what he discovered! It has nothing to do with me!" Just stop for a moment and remind yourself that it is in our nature to want to tell the whole world about our accomplisments. Hence, quit resenting our school teachers for teaching us something that might have zero practicality in the future. I know it's hard learning something which does not involve your interests but have an open mind. It does not hurt to know a little more knowledge.

Sense of Appreciation

Ah, Valentine's Day. The occasion many have said has become way too commercialised to take it too seriously. But I beg to differ. I think the existence of Valentine's Day is good in a way that it actually reminds us that sometimes being in love may cause you to do all sorts of things (including spending a hefty sum of money buying dozens roses and extravagant dinners =P). 

It actually gives people a reason to make extra effort to create a little excitement or difference in their relationship. But of course, it is not necessarily wise to spend too much money just for one particular day and forgot about the reason the next day. It should be spent just like any other day just with a little added time and maybe some money.

For this year's Valentine's, I've spent it with the same person I celebrated with last year. We both agreed that it shouldn't only be the guy doing everything and paying for the meals. Hence, both of us had prepared presents for each other and paid our equal share of the meal.

I made for my Teddy Bear a handmade card which took hours to complete and also I got him a customised bath towel with a picture and his name embroided on it.

On the other hand, he got me flowers even though I told him before this that I do not want flowers as they are so overpriced and wilt the next day. But still it was nice to receive flowers, I mean I'm a girl aren't I? =P And knowing how much I love stuff like pastries and cheese, he ordered a boxful of customised cheese tarts for me. Yeah, I know even though he said the baker failed at making it looking presentable, it still tasted good. So I'm happy he brought me food. =D

Anyway, after that we drove up to Genting to have a lovely lunch buffet and spend some time up there, just the two of us. I had a great time, it felt different being up there with him. Like it was only the two of us, away from familiar surroundings and people. It was pure quality time spent together.

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All of this just reminds me how happy and grateful I am to have you. I truly appreciate your being in my life and how certain parts of you have grown on me. So many things, little or big, that I do now are influenced by you. If I were to list down a few, it would be like:

1. How I tend to be attracted to panda bears now. =P

2. How I never used to like iced lemon tea until I met you.

3. Eclipse (the mint).

4. Watching movies in the cinema.

5. The little swerves you do while driving (when it's safe of course).

And many more....

Basically, the way I think, do things, talk or the words I use have something in it which reminds me of you. It's almost 2 years since we started and until now I can say that everyday feels different with you.

Contentment

Many times in my life, this very particular question would run through my mind:

"Are you happy?"

And every single time somewhere deep inside me, I would reply yes.

That question does not represent the emotions you feel at any specific moment in life but rather a single emotion that summarises how you think of your entire life. For me, I've never had any major complains about my life. I rarely allow myself to scrutinise things in life in order to find faults and then get upset over it. In my observation, I notice that many people tend to do so even unintentionally. They like to pick the lowest points in their lives and focus on it thus emerging with the statement, "I hate my life" , "My life sucks."

True, sometimes people use those statements just as a figure of speech or just to intentionally amplify and exaggerate the situation they're facing. But then again, sometimes what you say may have an indirect influence on how you actually feel or think. Unconsciously, you may tend to focus more on the negative aspects of life. Hence, it may cause you to feel dissatisfaction about life when in fact you shouldn't feel that way.

Perhaps one of the reason why I never feel negative about life is due to how I was brought up. It may sound unrelating, but when I was young my mom told me not to use the word "hate" because it has very extreme negative associations. And being a little girl whose mind (is not was =P) like a sponge, I took that to heart. Maybe if you do know me in real life, you might notice that I very rarely, possibly never, use the word "hate." 

So I guess that helped made me cautious about doing things. I don't let myself be bothered by little flawed details that actually doesn't really matter. Thus, that always makes me look on the brighter side of things. =) 

(Sorry Angie, I stole that pic from your blog. Don't know where the copy I had went =P.)