Not Gonna Look Back

Before I enrolled into college, many of my older friends who are or have been to college tell me that when in college I would definitely miss high school. They would tell me how stressful and tiring it is to be in college. At that time, I had almost no idea what college life would be like so I thought that maybe college is scary.

On 24th March 2008, I started my very first day at college. I remember the few days before I was pretty anxious and nervous. Some people seemed to have given me the impression that girls studying mass communication are known to be er...vicious. But hey, even before the first week ended, I landed myself in a circle of friends whom we have come to be quite close till now. So then I thought, maybe college isn't that bad.

However, there was another thing. During my primary and high school life, most of the years I would say I was close to being "shunted aside." It was quite rare that people would cast a third glance at me, (there would be a second glance because I was quite chubby back then.) It wasn't until the last few years at high school when I lost some weight and my confidence level shot up quite a bit. Still, it is hard to suddenly change overnight when the last decade or so you've been strongly associated with the adjectives "quiet", "shy" and "timid."

Due to that, I was really looking forward to college as a chance for me to start over afresh. I was much more confident in myself with the extra weight gone and pretty good SPM results in my name. Also, I was gonna meet a whole bunch of people who have no idea of who I am in the past. The very thought of that gave me a feeling that consists of a mixture of confidence, excitement and readiness to prove myself to everyone. Hence, that gave me all the assurance I needed to apply for a full scholarship offered by Taylor's. That bit of confidence and assurance gave me the will to really put effort into the essay and presentation and interview. And hey, I did get the full scholarship. Previously though, if we were to go back many years in time, I wouldn't have possessed the courage to do so. Not to even try. Yeah, I was that pathetic.

Besides that, in college I have the opportunity to spread out and be active. In fact, right now I'm in 6 clubs and associations at college. Although only 2 of the clubs have been busy lately, the rest are pretty much quiet. But even then, I have had my hands full for the past few weeks with club activities and workshops. I love being involved in things. Some people feel that it is such a bother and hassle to join clubs. To me, it is the opposite. I never had the chance during high school, so I am taking the chance now at college.

Some of my now college friends tell me that they miss high school. Maybe it was because they had something to look back at during high school. But not for me.

Being Critical Of Others

For all the recent years of my life, I developed a character which I believe would put a fairly large dent onto my "sweet and nice" personality. A few years ago I realised how critical of a person I can be. I would always have something negative to say about someone's idea, suggestion, opinion or just something they said. Then one of my friend subtly let out that it can be pretty unpleasant, so I decided I would really have to suppress all these urges to criticize everything.

But lately, I think I'm being like that again. I say almost everything on my mind without thinking twice that it might perhaps annoy the other person. Sometimes I just can't control it and it just slips out of my mouth. Only after I said it, I regret.

I suppose there are many things which triggers me into my critical mode. One of them is hypocrisy. I cannot tolerate hypocrites. I really, really do not like it when people say one thing, but does another. I mean, say what you mean, and do what you mean. Oh and also fickle and indecisive people. Like when arguing, at the beginning they will be arguing one point but somewhere in the middle they changed course and end up backing up something else. I don't know but it just ticks me off that people cannot stand by their original arguing point.

You know some part of the saying "like father, like son" is true. My parents are pretty competitive and critical people. I get annoyed when they behave like that to me. But when I am with others, I behave that way as well. At first I did not realise it until it came to a certain point when other people started saying something. It's a scary thought, that someday perhaps I won't have any friends because of my critical attitude. =/

Sigh. I suppose I should take a day or two to sink into deep thought about this and then stop criticizing other people's ideas, suggestions or thoughts. It pretty much puts people off. Yep, with parents I should know. The weird thing is I don't get like that with them, probably because they're like that too. The only person I don't get critical with is my Teddy, not that I'm bias or anything but he makes me feel so relax and I can talk just about anything to him. Yep, he's that great. =D

Ah well, that doesn't mean I should not change. Nothing wrong in trying to improve yourself. =)