Amazed by the Amazing

Everyday I can't help but just be amazed by the very existence of us. Anything I come across eg. a spoon, trains, highways, buttons etc. just don't fail to come across as fascinating to me. I mean just take a second and think about it. A large part of the world we live in is created by members of ourselves. To think that we are of such capability to create so many different systems that interact with one another on a daily basis. Just wow.

I know many Malaysians love to "talk" about the government; mainly about the way issues are handled. Many a time, I do agree. But there are times when I feel respect for them. Because when you really think about it, running a country with millions of people is not a piece of cake. There are laws to form, monetary issues to deal with, systems created for the conveniece of people and so much more. All in all, it comes down to the amazing endless capabilities of the human race.

We have come so far since the days of the cavemen. In those days, the main goal was to find shelter, hunt for food and reproduce. Now, we have a variety of goals to achieve in different aspects; career, education, society, personal, entertainment and so on. Everyday life is already complex on its own. From the moment you get out of bed to brush your teeth to cooking breakfast to catching the train to attend a class to eating at a restaurant for dinner to coming home for a warm shower. It may come across as any ordinary daily activity. But to look at it in a different perspective, as to how an ordinary day of a caveman would consist of running around with a spear and finding burning fire fascinating, I standing in nothing but awe.

We, the humans, are just soooo amazing. =D

Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill

Ah, finally another good book. I picked this book up when I went to the previous Big Bad Wolf Warehouse Sales. Books were really cheap there, averaging RM8 though of course you won't find popular international best-sellers there. Most of them were pretty much unknown here, which made it even better for me. =D

Anyway, I went to the sales alone as I couldn't find anyone to go with me. So I took my time and lugged 7 books back home.

Out of the 7 books, this book cover caught my eye the most. I guess you could say I do actually judge a book first by its cover. When I first saw this book, I instantly thought how the title sounds completely different from the cover illustrations and synopsis at the back. I discovered it was actually a horror book and I've always been a fan of horror but have yet to find any good, original ones. And something told me this one was gonna be good.

And yep I was right. Although it did take me a few weeks to finish it 'coz in between finishing I finished another book as well, "Acting It Up" by Melissa Nathan, a typical, predictable chic-lit (which I managed to finish during the weekend.) I guess the reason why I finished the chic-lit first was because I've always felt that they were easier to read. There's not so much to process, storyline is almost predictable. In other words, I guess you could say I was lazy to get some serious reading done.

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"Heart-Shaped Box" wasn't at all like how I predicted. The title alone is misleading, at first glance I thought it was another romance story. But it was more than that. (Note: It's actually a title of a Nirvana song). It tells a story of how middle-aged rock star Judas Coyne hears of someone selling a ghost on the Internet. Being a collector of various dark and macabre artefacts, Judas fell for the bait.

The ghost arrived in a black heart-shaped box and inside it was a suit that once belonged to the ghost. At its arrival, the house became cold, the dogs started barking and made Judas wonder if he was beginning to hallucinate things.

But it doesn't stop there. The ghost was "sent" to Judas for a reason. A reason so fearful that it made him run for his life.

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Joe Hill has done an excellent job keeping the atmosphere of this book with deep resonances of the dark and macabre. I find that this book maintains a good balance of reality and fantasy. Despite the mentioning of many occult and gothic elements, the true and masked horror contained here is the vicious cycle of human abuse. How victims of abuse can grow up to become an abuser themselves.

There is actually a bit of romance in this story , that is if you could actually call it romance. Judas has got a live-in girlfriend who was also dragged into his ghostly endeavours. At the beginning of the book, you could see that it was a love-hate thing. Of course, Judas being a rock star with an abusive background would have all emotions and sentimentality robbed of him. So, don't expect lots of "I love you"s. But there's something about Judas's character that's so well written that you will find him so likeable. Even his girlfriend's character will surprise you in the end.

All in all, I think that this book is worth wayyy much more than the price I paid. Nowadays, with so many books repeating the same themes especially chic-lits (sorry I just can't get my head around them =P) it's hard to find really good books that stands out. Sure, I do read Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series (in fact, it's the only chic-lit I like) but that's more for entertainment. To find something that can be appreciated as good literature is like finding a needle in a haystack.

Well at least to me. =D

P.S. I know I'm probably slower than others, but Green Day's latest album 21st Century Breakdown is awesome!

To put it blatantly, I'm terrified

I realized that it is the easiest for me to blog when I'm left completely alone in the room. Like now for instance. I suppose the quietness allows my thoughts to resonate purposefully without being diverted or distracted.

You know my parents have always been pretty hard on pushing us to strive to be the best but at the same time they will also remind us that they will always be someone out there better than us. Hmm...discouraging and contradicting, much? But anyhow, I don't see why we still should not try and perform our very best.

So yeah, in high school, I was pretty much among the top 10s or so especially in English, which my Dad is really particularly proud of. Sometimes he does it so often that I feel embarassed about it. Lol. But no that's not the bad thing.

The bad thing is, when I came to college, it didn't take me long to find myself struggling to be one of the best. And I don't think I've achieved it. Yet. I hope.

It just demoralizes me each time when I find out I'm lagging quite some way behind the better ones. And not too mention I feel like the dumbest among the other TWC Scholarship recipients. At times, I feel the pressure of the expectations placed upon me by so many people - lecturers, friends, parents and also the advertising company that is supposed to provide me with my very first job upon graduation. Every semester, they'll be updated with my progress in both academic and co-curricular terms. That itself is a very terrifying thought. =/

Honestly, I do feel that the subjects I have now is wayyy different and possibly harder than say subjects of maths and sciences. Why do I say this? Simply because most of the solutions in maths and science subjects are already pre-determined. It is pure objective facts and answers. 2+2 will always equals to 4 no matter who is the person answering it. Whereas in the subjects I do, most of the time the answers are very subjective. Scoring high marks will depend on how well you present your points and way of seeing things. Having perfect grammar and good command of English will only help to a certain extent. The rest is different. It depends on how good a communicator you are.

And that is where I think I'm lacking in. I was based on a maths and science background. I tend to see things one-way. My mind is very, very logically structured. But at the same time, I detest the maths and sciences. I believe I am flawed in that sense where I am not able see and write things on a more open end. However, I do think that since I am aware of my flaws there is a chance for me to improve on it though a lot of hard work and effort will be required.

The thing is, am I ready for it? Am I ready to spend hours reading and analysing proper references? Do I have the determination to do so?

Hmm I think I have spent more time than I should on enjoyment. I have been far too laid-back. Foundation year was a breeze and clearly degree is not the same. Time to step my game up. I already have the proper language tools, so might as well make the most of it. =)

You know, today is one of my "thinking" days. What are "thinking" days, you wonder? Well it's one of those days where my mind actually twitches enough to get me thinking. Thinking of what, you ask? Hmm, I suppose it's mostly things I would love to write and blog about but I can't. Why not? Because it may be a bit too opinionated and some people reading it may not necessarily see eye-to-eye with me. Hence, it becomes a no-go and I'll be compelled to discard that thought. =/

And that leaves me with a desolated blog. I don't know why but I don't really fancy posting up my everyday life with lots of pictures to accompany it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against people who do it. In fact, I find it entertaining to read about other people's daily activities. It's just that I don't really feel thrilled to post up mine.

If you've noticed, you would see that my blog is mainly made up of words? There are very few pictures. Again, it's just something about me. I love seeing lots of words on a page. I suppose it makes me feel clever about myself =P. Lol.

Mmm...3:16am. I should really try to go to sleep. My new semester will be starting next week and my classes begins at 8:00am. Need to get used to waking up early again. But the thing is, I have been having problems falling asleep. I'd go to bed and lay there for more than an hour whilst the person next to me snores occasionally. And this happened pretty much every night for the past month. The other day I kinda felt this feeling of dread washed over me when the thought of sleep came into mind. Internally (and silently), I freaked out. I never thought I would feel afraid to go to bed.

There's something wrong with me isn't it? =/ *sigh*

Goodnight guys. Let's give going to sleep another try.

I feel like a zombie. It's been 3 weeks into my semester break and all I ever do is sleep, cook, eat, computer, go out for a bit, eat, computer and sleep. My bedtimes now are usually between 3am to 4am and I wake up around 1pm or 2pm. I know.

Sometimes when I wake up and see the time, I feel frustrated because I've wasted half the day sleeping. But then, there's this other part which refuses to want to comply. The bed can seem so tempting but that's only when I'm asleep. When I'm awake, I try to stay up as late as I can because I don't want to waste time sleeping. See the irony?

Lately, there's been a few thoughts circulating in my head. I've been wondering what's happened to me. Why there's a change. Is it really possible to just lose an interest?

I'm worried about the love and passion I had for writing that seems to be slowly ebbing away. Writing was something which I always felt confidently good at. That if someone asked me what I'm good at, it would be writing. But now I'm starting to doubt it. It doesn't feel as natural as it used to be. And there's usually little or no inspiration at all.

It's as though I've lost the flair for it. But I don't want to lose it. I've tried to rekindle the flame by going to the library regularly and getting books to read. However, I still find that I'm falling prey to the many distractions around me. Sometimes I do get inspirations or ideas and I'd make a mental note but forget about it later. Has writing and expressing myself became of such lower priority?

I wish I knew for sure what made this happened. That way, maybe I could fix it better. I suppose I really have to mull over this and come up with a solution. Otherwise, it'll just fade away and I'll be left being good at nothing.

It already feels unbearable with that thought in mind. Being skill-less.

Sigh. I really do not like this. =(

You know, I have this fear that when entering those motion-sensor sliding doors in shopping malls, it won't open. It happened once, and it was soo embarassing.

One of the things that comes along with being short.

When I was younger, I really hated it. The fact that I am short. Height is something irrevocable, staying almost permanent till the day you die, unless you go to the extreme - surgery.

So here I am, standing at 152cm (or is it 150cm?).

But I guess over the years, the height thing sort of grew on me and people begun to identify me with my height. It was not necessarily a bad thing, some people said I'm so noticeable because of my height, which I think is pretty ironic.

Anyhow, I discovered heels and now I wear them almost everytime I go out (ask my friends). And my heels usually averaged at about 4 inches. My friends would all ask me how could I stand walking around the whole day in them. But in truth, I don't really feel anything. I think it's because of my size. Being short lowers my center of gravity and that makes it easier for me to balance on two pointy sticks. Haha, some theory eh.

I don't know, but some people might think that I'm vain or something for wearing heels all the time. But the truth is that it raises my self-esteem, it makes me feel more confident. Honestly, it does. Try asking me to give a presentation in flats and then you'll see what happens.

So, I guess now I'm pretty much over the height thing. Although there are several things which can be pretty irksome. Like the motion-sensor slide door thing. And not being able to drive go-karts because I'm just a few centimeters too short. And not to mention not being able to reach for things on the higher shelves. It can be quite frustrating and embarassing at times. But then when that happens, all I gotta do is just remember how Teddy would always tease me for being tiny. =)

I've always been amazed and fascinated by the myriad of interesting and strange things that we can find in the world. All my life, I've always been attracted to anything that's about the paranormal, supernatural, world mysteries, strange human conditions...basically anything that's out of the norm.

Almost everytime we're given an opportunity to present anything we want in class, I would pick something from these. Like back in high school I gave an oral presentation on the Bermuda Triangle and recently for my CCS presentation about the strange and weird conditions of some human beings.

I don't know but at times I feel frustrated at people for not appreciating such amazing and fascinating occurences around us. Their ignorance. Like they'd rather not know these things. I mean, we all live on the same planet. Wouldn't it be interesting to know about the remotest parts of the world? Or what lies in the deepest parts of the deepest oceans? Or what extinct animals look like?

Last week I got this book out of the public library that's about this girl who sees numbers, words and sounds in various colors and shapes. The characters and story is fictional, but the condition is a fact. It's actually a neurological condition called synesthesia. Generally, people with synesthesia have specific colors for numbers, words or sounds. Some even experience a certain taste in their mouths at the sound of something. But it varies from individuals.

Before this, I have no idea at all that such condition exist. I'm just so amazed by it. Wouldn't life be so much more colorful and fun to have colors or tastes associated with someone's name or voice? The good thing about synesthesia is that it is harmless. It does not cause the people with it to have any negative effects.

People with synesthesia see numbers and alphabets like this:

Isn't this just so fascinating???

Anyway, if you're interested to read the book, the title is "A Mango-Shaped Space" by Wendy Mass. I got it from the Kuala Lumpur Library around Dataran Merdeka.

P.S. Pictures of my recent Langkawi trip can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=92932&id=543104925

Finally, the much awaited break

Phew. I've officially completed my very first semester being a degree student. And honestly, it isn't the same as high school nor foundation. It is tough, especially since my course is entirely assignment-based (I have no exams). A lot of research and reading is usually needed to complete an assignment. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I actually sort of like it because I actually learn a lot more that way. I don't really fancy exams because most of the times what we do is memorize all the facts and forget about it right after the exam.

But anyway, I'm finally done with the first semester and am on my 1 month break. It's weird though, I still feel like I have something to do. I guess I'm still on the "high" of assignments. Lol.

Hmm okay...I'm not feeling very inspired nor creative today. Not gonna blog any further.

Toodles! Happy holidays to my coursemates. =)

Shipwrecked

Okay maybe I'm not totally shipwrecked but heck yeah I've been through some hell this week. In short, it was a blur and rush of events. It all happened in one week. There was the group drama performance, some desktop recorded videos, a video presentation and the worst - an essay written in the PR perspective. I don't even know what's a PR perspective like. Ugh.

But to my amaze (and everyone's), we all got through it. The experience actually feels surreal. For once, I actually forgot about myself and my normal daily activities. All I had on mind was to memorize the script, finish shooting the video and research as much as possible to finish the essay. And oh, the essay. One of the worst every nightmares I had to go through. It's so stupid that I can't believe I did it.

It happened like this:

1. Finished about 10 pages of the assignment.

2. Tried to create a table of contents using the new MS Word 2007.

3. Somehow everytime I tried, all the pages after the TOC got deleted.

4. So I thought, "Okay, better save my progress in case of emergencies."

5. Clicked Save.

6. Suddenly realised I saved it when all the pages after TOC have been deleted.

7. Dead meat.

So after frantically searching the Internet for files recovery programs and finding out that even with the recovered file MS Word can't open it (only gibberish comes out), I had no choice but to redo my entire assignment! Well I actually did sent a rough draft to my email a few days before, it only had 1 page done and the others in point form, but heck it's better than nothing.

In the end, I spent the rest of the entire night (3.00AM onwards) re-writing the whole thing. And yup, I did not sleep. At all. I finished at 6.00AM and since class started at 8.00AM, it was pretty much pointless to try to catch some sleep.

I was actually surprised that I would do such a stupid mistake. I mean I always thought such things were restricted to more....careless people. But now I've learnt my lesson. A very, very hard lesson.

Always, always, ALWAYS, make backup copies and save the file in multiple destinations, be it thumbdrives, external hard disks, online storage...whatever.

Ugh. I wince every time I think about it.

I'm thinking it's gonna turn into some sort form of paranoia. =/

Woot!

Wow, I actually feel awesome about myself today. =D

I made, BAKED, a batch of soy (or soya) milk muffins!

I don't know or how I got this sudden urge to bake but it started with me being alone at home tonight and I was wondering what should I do. So I thought of going out for dinner with a friend, but I realised I wasn't that hungry. Hence, I suddenly thought of baking.

But soy milk muffins, you ask?

Well, recently I developed this likingness (or addiction) towards a particular brand of soy milk. VSoy. Omg, those who has never tried it, please do! It tastes almost like milk! Mmmm mmmm.

Then I searched the Internet for any recipe that constitutes of soy milk and I found the soy milk muffins recipe. It looked simple enough but it turns out that it looked that simple because it was actually lacking some ingredients. I was halfway stirring the highly viscous batter when I realised that there were no eggs or butter listed as an ingredient in the recipe. So I put on my chef's hat (hehe) and improvised it.

And voila! It turned out pretty well. My dad actually said maybe I should have gone for hospitality instead. It tasted pretty healthy as well and it's cheap to make them! Weee! Maybe I'll suggest it to my club to sell it during our fundraising event. =)

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You know what I realised today?

I realised that if at the right moments you decide to just give others a chance to say something, it can actually result in something even better.