I feel like a zombie. It's been 3 weeks into my semester break and all I ever do is sleep, cook, eat, computer, go out for a bit, eat, computer and sleep. My bedtimes now are usually between 3am to 4am and I wake up around 1pm or 2pm. I know.

Sometimes when I wake up and see the time, I feel frustrated because I've wasted half the day sleeping. But then, there's this other part which refuses to want to comply. The bed can seem so tempting but that's only when I'm asleep. When I'm awake, I try to stay up as late as I can because I don't want to waste time sleeping. See the irony?

Lately, there's been a few thoughts circulating in my head. I've been wondering what's happened to me. Why there's a change. Is it really possible to just lose an interest?

I'm worried about the love and passion I had for writing that seems to be slowly ebbing away. Writing was something which I always felt confidently good at. That if someone asked me what I'm good at, it would be writing. But now I'm starting to doubt it. It doesn't feel as natural as it used to be. And there's usually little or no inspiration at all.

It's as though I've lost the flair for it. But I don't want to lose it. I've tried to rekindle the flame by going to the library regularly and getting books to read. However, I still find that I'm falling prey to the many distractions around me. Sometimes I do get inspirations or ideas and I'd make a mental note but forget about it later. Has writing and expressing myself became of such lower priority?

I wish I knew for sure what made this happened. That way, maybe I could fix it better. I suppose I really have to mull over this and come up with a solution. Otherwise, it'll just fade away and I'll be left being good at nothing.

It already feels unbearable with that thought in mind. Being skill-less.

Sigh. I really do not like this. =(

You know, I have this fear that when entering those motion-sensor sliding doors in shopping malls, it won't open. It happened once, and it was soo embarassing.

One of the things that comes along with being short.

When I was younger, I really hated it. The fact that I am short. Height is something irrevocable, staying almost permanent till the day you die, unless you go to the extreme - surgery.

So here I am, standing at 152cm (or is it 150cm?).

But I guess over the years, the height thing sort of grew on me and people begun to identify me with my height. It was not necessarily a bad thing, some people said I'm so noticeable because of my height, which I think is pretty ironic.

Anyhow, I discovered heels and now I wear them almost everytime I go out (ask my friends). And my heels usually averaged at about 4 inches. My friends would all ask me how could I stand walking around the whole day in them. But in truth, I don't really feel anything. I think it's because of my size. Being short lowers my center of gravity and that makes it easier for me to balance on two pointy sticks. Haha, some theory eh.

I don't know, but some people might think that I'm vain or something for wearing heels all the time. But the truth is that it raises my self-esteem, it makes me feel more confident. Honestly, it does. Try asking me to give a presentation in flats and then you'll see what happens.

So, I guess now I'm pretty much over the height thing. Although there are several things which can be pretty irksome. Like the motion-sensor slide door thing. And not being able to drive go-karts because I'm just a few centimeters too short. And not to mention not being able to reach for things on the higher shelves. It can be quite frustrating and embarassing at times. But then when that happens, all I gotta do is just remember how Teddy would always tease me for being tiny. =)

I've always been amazed and fascinated by the myriad of interesting and strange things that we can find in the world. All my life, I've always been attracted to anything that's about the paranormal, supernatural, world mysteries, strange human conditions...basically anything that's out of the norm.

Almost everytime we're given an opportunity to present anything we want in class, I would pick something from these. Like back in high school I gave an oral presentation on the Bermuda Triangle and recently for my CCS presentation about the strange and weird conditions of some human beings.

I don't know but at times I feel frustrated at people for not appreciating such amazing and fascinating occurences around us. Their ignorance. Like they'd rather not know these things. I mean, we all live on the same planet. Wouldn't it be interesting to know about the remotest parts of the world? Or what lies in the deepest parts of the deepest oceans? Or what extinct animals look like?

Last week I got this book out of the public library that's about this girl who sees numbers, words and sounds in various colors and shapes. The characters and story is fictional, but the condition is a fact. It's actually a neurological condition called synesthesia. Generally, people with synesthesia have specific colors for numbers, words or sounds. Some even experience a certain taste in their mouths at the sound of something. But it varies from individuals.

Before this, I have no idea at all that such condition exist. I'm just so amazed by it. Wouldn't life be so much more colorful and fun to have colors or tastes associated with someone's name or voice? The good thing about synesthesia is that it is harmless. It does not cause the people with it to have any negative effects.

People with synesthesia see numbers and alphabets like this:

Isn't this just so fascinating???

Anyway, if you're interested to read the book, the title is "A Mango-Shaped Space" by Wendy Mass. I got it from the Kuala Lumpur Library around Dataran Merdeka.

P.S. Pictures of my recent Langkawi trip can be found here:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=92932&id=543104925