(Caution: This post contains major stereotyping. People who are not able to respect (or read my title) opinions of others, please stay away.)
One of the biggest conundrums in life (at least to me) is the character of people. I can't help but stop and wonder why did they turn out the way they are. Some people might say that it might be their upbringing or family background. But when I look a little closer, I see - no their parents aren't like them. Neither are their siblings or aunts or cousins etc etc. So the only inference that I can speculate is their surroundings. The people around them. And most importantly, their peers, which will lead to another issue, comformity (I will elaborate more on that in the next post).
People are made up of different things. These "things" which I'm referring to are the characters, traits, qualities, habits and so on of people. All these are like building blocks which comes in different colors and shapes. Everyone is built in their own special and unique way. Some might have a little more variety while some may only have a few.
What puzzles me is who gets to determine how the person will be built? Using which block? And why that one? Most people would answer that it is ourselves who get to determine how we want to be built. That we are our own architect, contractor, brick-layer and so on. But we are rather unaware of how susceptible we are to outside influences. They too play a fairly large part in deciding how and which blocks would be used. But of course it doesn't mean that we have to let others take the rein. We have the ability to discern what's right and wrong.
On contrary to that, we still see many bad apples everywhere. Blessed we are with the power to distinguish between right and wrong but yet people are still acting in such an apathetic way. Undeniably, they failed to do the right thing. Or rather, they chose to do the wrong thing. I mean what's so great with being rebellious. Does it make you cool? No, you don't. Instead you'll be looked down upon.
In this post I would like to emphasize more on adolescents. Teenagers. It's one of the more crucial stages in life. During this short period of time, you're expected to map out how exactly the next 40 years of your life would be. A friend once said to me, "Isn't it a pity that during this time of our life we have to decide how we're going to live for the rest of our lives?" Do I agree with her? No, I don't. The years we have between the age of 13 and 20 aren't meant to be wasted on dalliance. And it is at this time where we are at our strongest point. We're strong and healthy. And most of all, we're free from all major life responsibilities.
It is at this time where we start developing our identity. Or rather only some of us. The reason I say that is because of the living proof I see around me. Teenagers with fully matured bodies but with brains of a 6-year-old. And guess what? They're proud of it. They're proud to say, "Hey! I listen to rap and you don't so you're old fashioned" or "I'm much more matured than you are because I've already had sex".
You see how twisted the way a teenager's mind work? I'm not implying that all teenagers are this way. I'm just making a general statement. We (I'm saying "we" because I admit that I sometimes act in this way too) put ourselves in such a position that we feel we're superior to others. We're all irate teenagers. Emotions all jumbled up inside us. Those who are able to sift through the right and wrong would satisfy their anger in a much more constructive way such as pushing themselves to work harder to prevent further disappointments. Others who lacked integrity would vent their anger at others and along the way they would lose those around them.
(I fear that this will turn into yet another long post. Hence, I will stop right here and hope later there will be an ensuing post as I've still much to prattle on about. This post ends here.)
Another blog, another me
In case you don't know, I already have one in Friendster which I've been using for more than a year. But since I found out that my mind works in a way similar to an intellectual's mind (maybe not entirely the same), I felt that it incumbent upon myself that I create a new blog where I could freely write about the ever increasing thoughts in my mind. Somehow, I find the blog in Friendster erm...difficult for me to express my thoughts. Maybe it's the colors, or the layout or the fact that it's a "Friendster" blog. Anyhow, it somehow restricts the flow of my creative juices.
I have split personalities. Well, not exactly split personalites but something close enough to that. Many and perhaps all people I know in real life only see the superficial me. Even my best friends, they don't see me the way I am now. Perhaps only a hint of it. Most people regard me as any other typical quite, shy and timid girl. Maybe it might be because I chose to be discreet about the inner me.
People love being superficial. They put a barrier between their deeper, more conscious selves and their superficial selves. I personally don't believe that any person can be as shallow as to how they present themselves. Maybe they find it hard to express themselves and then chose to act the way they are acting now because they find it much easier. I know that because sometimes I think I am like that. I'm afraid that people will take me as someone weird and unfitting. It really sucks when you happen to be marginalized just because the way your mind work is different from the others. I've been told many times by many people that I always "think too much", or "think way out of the box". Sometimes I feel hurt that people judge me just by the way I think. I mean I'm sorry if I don't happen to be as apathetic as you are. I just can't help being the way I am. I didn't beg to have all these thoughts put into my head. Sometimes I find it rather disturbing to have so many questions and ideas swimming around the pool of thoughts in my head.
I wasn't like this a year before. Maybe I was, but not like this. Since I was very young, I've always had this feeling that I might be different. I always wondered "why me?". I felt as if I was chosen for something which I have no clue about (please don't take this too seriously, this was something that was going through 7-year-old girl's mind). I used to think that everyone else thought the way I thought and when I tried to talk to them about it, they'll just be silent and look at me quietly. I then learned that showing your true self might result in people thinking you're weird.
So then, I started developing this other character in me. The one's that the total opposite of me when I'm alone and free to be myself. In front of others I'm like mask acting, the only expressions they can see is whatever that's being portrayed by my mask. But behind the mask is what they truly failed to see. That's how people judge me now. By the mask I put on.
However, as I grew older and gained maturity, I felt the need to assert myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this to elicit attention from people who once disregarded me. I'm doing this for myself. It helps me in a way that I get to write about the ideas or emotions that has been held inside for a very long time. Through writing I'm able to express myself the best. I've discovered that in me a long time ago. I still remember the time when I first told my dad that I wanted to try my hand at writing. I was about 8 or 9 and by then I had started reading R.L Stine's Goosebumps books. Reading those books gave me various ideas and plots to start writing my own stories. I learnt that I could write easily, without the need to sit down and plan how every little detail in the story goes. My hand would just move continuously across the paper as ideas spontaneously form in my mind. Since then, I've always used writing as a way to express myself. I believe that everyone should find a way to express themselves. It needn't be through writing, it could be through drawing or composing songs or whatever suits them. On the other hand, I think people should be chary with their thoughts too. Because we can't expect every single person out there to respect your thoughts and opinions. We live in a place where society thrives upon even the tiniest opportunity to flame/bash/slam/criticize/inferiorate others. I mean yeah, people respect honesty but if you have to be brutally honest about certain things, be sure not to generalize people. It's never good to do that, people HATE being classified into categories.
Anyway, let us go back to the original topic: why on Earth did I want a separate blog. You know, how people (usually elders) say that during adolescence is the time where we are trying to find ourselves? I used to think that was total tosh. I guess it's probably because I didn't fully understand the meaning of "finding ourselves". I mean how can only 16 years of breathing gain you enough experience to say that you've managed to find out who you are. I only assumed that it was nonsense and took no notice of it. Until now that is. In ways I cannot articulate, it just struck me one day not so long ago that I've finally "found" myself. The feeling's indescribably good, you feel as though you've ascended way above others who's still dwelling within their own world. Before this, I was a little lost, I had no clue of what I'm supposed to do (I'm being unspecific here). Goals, purposes, objectives matter very much to me. I cannot live without goals or purposes. Previously, it was all about passing exams, achieving the ideal weight, acquiring your most favourable items, et cetera et cetera. But now it's different, I can't really put it into words...it's like you finally uncover the reason you are here. Your purpose in life. Sort of.
This is turning into some lengthy, rambling, boring old professor's biography. I'll use that as my alibi to leave my post hanging right here after the fullstop. Period.
I have split personalities. Well, not exactly split personalites but something close enough to that. Many and perhaps all people I know in real life only see the superficial me. Even my best friends, they don't see me the way I am now. Perhaps only a hint of it. Most people regard me as any other typical quite, shy and timid girl. Maybe it might be because I chose to be discreet about the inner me.
People love being superficial. They put a barrier between their deeper, more conscious selves and their superficial selves. I personally don't believe that any person can be as shallow as to how they present themselves. Maybe they find it hard to express themselves and then chose to act the way they are acting now because they find it much easier. I know that because sometimes I think I am like that. I'm afraid that people will take me as someone weird and unfitting. It really sucks when you happen to be marginalized just because the way your mind work is different from the others. I've been told many times by many people that I always "think too much", or "think way out of the box". Sometimes I feel hurt that people judge me just by the way I think. I mean I'm sorry if I don't happen to be as apathetic as you are. I just can't help being the way I am. I didn't beg to have all these thoughts put into my head. Sometimes I find it rather disturbing to have so many questions and ideas swimming around the pool of thoughts in my head.
I wasn't like this a year before. Maybe I was, but not like this. Since I was very young, I've always had this feeling that I might be different. I always wondered "why me?". I felt as if I was chosen for something which I have no clue about (please don't take this too seriously, this was something that was going through 7-year-old girl's mind). I used to think that everyone else thought the way I thought and when I tried to talk to them about it, they'll just be silent and look at me quietly. I then learned that showing your true self might result in people thinking you're weird.
So then, I started developing this other character in me. The one's that the total opposite of me when I'm alone and free to be myself. In front of others I'm like mask acting, the only expressions they can see is whatever that's being portrayed by my mask. But behind the mask is what they truly failed to see. That's how people judge me now. By the mask I put on.
However, as I grew older and gained maturity, I felt the need to assert myself. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this to elicit attention from people who once disregarded me. I'm doing this for myself. It helps me in a way that I get to write about the ideas or emotions that has been held inside for a very long time. Through writing I'm able to express myself the best. I've discovered that in me a long time ago. I still remember the time when I first told my dad that I wanted to try my hand at writing. I was about 8 or 9 and by then I had started reading R.L Stine's Goosebumps books. Reading those books gave me various ideas and plots to start writing my own stories. I learnt that I could write easily, without the need to sit down and plan how every little detail in the story goes. My hand would just move continuously across the paper as ideas spontaneously form in my mind. Since then, I've always used writing as a way to express myself. I believe that everyone should find a way to express themselves. It needn't be through writing, it could be through drawing or composing songs or whatever suits them. On the other hand, I think people should be chary with their thoughts too. Because we can't expect every single person out there to respect your thoughts and opinions. We live in a place where society thrives upon even the tiniest opportunity to flame/bash/slam/criticize/inferiorate others. I mean yeah, people respect honesty but if you have to be brutally honest about certain things, be sure not to generalize people. It's never good to do that, people HATE being classified into categories.
Anyway, let us go back to the original topic: why on Earth did I want a separate blog. You know, how people (usually elders) say that during adolescence is the time where we are trying to find ourselves? I used to think that was total tosh. I guess it's probably because I didn't fully understand the meaning of "finding ourselves". I mean how can only 16 years of breathing gain you enough experience to say that you've managed to find out who you are. I only assumed that it was nonsense and took no notice of it. Until now that is. In ways I cannot articulate, it just struck me one day not so long ago that I've finally "found" myself. The feeling's indescribably good, you feel as though you've ascended way above others who's still dwelling within their own world. Before this, I was a little lost, I had no clue of what I'm supposed to do (I'm being unspecific here). Goals, purposes, objectives matter very much to me. I cannot live without goals or purposes. Previously, it was all about passing exams, achieving the ideal weight, acquiring your most favourable items, et cetera et cetera. But now it's different, I can't really put it into words...it's like you finally uncover the reason you are here. Your purpose in life. Sort of.
This is turning into some lengthy, rambling, boring old professor's biography. I'll use that as my alibi to leave my post hanging right here after the fullstop. Period.
