Dissapointment
Ah, disappointment. What's not to like about it? It happens to the best of us and some might say disappointment is worst than conflict. I think so too.
I'm no stranger to disappointment, especially towards myself. I tend to hold extremely high expectations of myself and when I end up short, I become all bitter and angry with myself. But you know what's worse? Feeling disappointed of others.
Why do I say so? Because when you're disappointed of yourself, at least you're able to evaluate yourself and work out a plan to avoid it in the future. But if you're disappointed over someone else, then you don't have control of the situation.
I was never good when it came to handling disappointment, even if it was over myself. I think it's cause I tend to always want to give others the benefit of the doubt that when they disappoint, I feel horrible. I feel terrible on their behalf. Not angry, but disappointed.
And it doesn't end there. After that I'll pray and wish with all my might that they'll come around and address the issue. But usually it doesn't happen. Like I said, I'm too nice. I can't help but hope that with time the best of people will emerge.
It's a sucky feeling, being disappointed. And not angry-disappointed but hopeful-disappointed. As in you're disappointed but still hopeful that things will get better.
Maybe it will?
Oh, there I go again.
Good morning, ignoramus
Ten months. It's been ten months since the last update. And let me say it's been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Reading back my previous posts, something comes to mind.
Juvenile. So, so juvenile.
Had I been so young? So narcissistic?
So...unknowing.
Ignorant would be too strong a word to use but something along the lines of it.
And when I browsed back to posts back in 2007/2008, I was shocked.
Looking at how I write, think and feel then makes me feel like a kid now.
Had I lost that raw curiosity? That intense passion?
How can the then 16-year-old me sound more mature than the now 20-year-old me?
Is it possible to have grown in reverse?
Now when I think again, ignorant fits the picture.
Have a good day.
So....hi
Mmm...hi.
I've been ignoring this blog for such a long time that I have no idea what to post anymore. For some reason I always experience a feeling of dread when I think about updating this blog. Maybe I'm just bored. I tend to get bored of things fast (no, not people). Or maybe I'm just plain lazy and uninspired.
I think it is the latter. Or a possible mixture of both. I dunno.
Anyway, it is the Chinese New Year now. It's been the usual humdrum each year. Though there are slight variations each year. Mostly I began noticing the people. Not that I've never noticed them, but it's more like I began studying them closer. It's actually pretty interesting. You'd be marveled by what you discover.
Another thing is, I've also been on a semester break since the end of November last year. For one and a half months I was interning at Ogilvy PR and after that I spent the rest of the holidays back home. It was during then I also discovered something else. It's not really a bad thing but just something I noticed.
I found that as I grow older I began noticing how disparate my principals and opinions are from my parents. It's strange. You'd think having a Dad who has been passing on his wisdom and values to me constantly since I was 7 years old would have made me like him. But I would say the similarities are not great. Perhaps it's because of what I've been exposed to. A lot of Western culture and ideologies I would say. And I don't mean the MTV, promiscuity and drugs. More like how I think and judge myself and my surroundings.
I find myself very individualistic, unlike Asians in general, who are more inclined to collectivity. It's not a bad thing. Just a difference. Ah, well. Anyway, I've lost my train of thoughts. I'll leave it till the next update. I'm going to watch my favourite superhero. (Hint: He's yellow and porous =P).
2009: The Year of Awesome Movies
I think it's safe for me to say that 2009 passed by like no other year has passed me by. To be honest, the past whole year appears as a blur to me. I have trouble distinguishing what happened in 2009 and 2008. I keep mixing them up. So, if you notice that some of the movies listed here are actually released in 2008, kindly bare with me. To me it feels like I've just watched it this year, oops I mean last year.
Note: The list isn't arranged according to superiority or whatever I think is better. So, the numbers mean nothing, unless I specify it myself.
1. Star Trek (2009)
Okay, I must say this: Star Trek blew me away. Yes it did. I'm not a Star Trek fan but oh my god. This movie is a must, must, MUST watch for those who haven't. Even if you're not a sci-fi fan, do me a favour and give this movie a chance. I thought Zachary Quinto and Eric Bana gave stellar performances. Chris Pine did pretty good himself too. The effects were excellent and the plot is solid. So what more can you ask for from such an awesome movie? List it down as one of your new year's resolutions ;).
2. The Dark Knight (2008)
Of all superhero movies (Spiderman, Superman, Incredible Hulk, etc.), Batman is my favourite. Why? Because he's human. He didn't get exposed to meteor rocks, radiation or bitten by some mutant creature. I like that he got his strength not through supernatural ways. Anyway, The Dark Knight is in my opinion the best Batman movie.
When I was watching it in the cinema I actually lost track of time and became so absorbed into the movie. I was practically holding my breath throughout the movie because when the credits rolled in I let out this huge whoosh of air. In plain words, The Dark Knight just blew me away. Definitely gave me one of the best experiences I had of watching movies in the cinema. Christian Bale is one of my favourite actors and he lived up to my expectations of Bruce Wayne's character and possibly surpassed it. Also, without a doubt the late Heath Ledger gave a spectacular performance as The Joker, almost eerily so.
3. District 9 (2009)
For those who have watched District 9 I think you will agree with me that it is definitely one of 2009's best movies. Prior to watching this I actually had no idea what it is about, apart from hearing some trailer snippets on the radio. So I went in with an open mind and I'm glad I did.
This movie stands more than a mile apart from other movies of its genre. The story is a unique and refreshing change from the stereotypical alien movies we've had. The thing that made me go 'wow' was how seamlessly it went from being a documentary-drama to a Hollywood style movie. It being sorta like a documentary movie gave the viewers a feeling like it was actually real and happening. The movie's atmosphere is dark, bleak and unnerving. To be honest, I felt quite disturbed when the movie ended, which means the movie has done its job. Also, top notch performances by the actors. Excellent movie.
4. Gamer (2009)
Okay, so I know the title Gamer may sound a little corny but bare with it and go watch it. I'll be honest, Gamer is not for everyone. Again this is one movie I have no knowledge prior to watching it, only having read a few reviews about it being different. And it did prove so. For many it will take maybe a good 20 to 30 minutes into the movie before you actually understand what it is about. I love the concept and idea the directors had in mind. The movie atmosphere has this sort of dark and unrealistic tinge to it. Strange yet unnervingly possible to become reality.
I thought both antagonist and protagonist were casted excellently. It's face-paced, action-filled and very thought-provoking. It pushes your mind and makes you think, unlike many Hollywood movies which only inflate your mind with air. So give this movie a chance because I think there is more substance to it than its corny name.
5. The Time Traveler's Wife (2009)
I think you may have noticed they aren't many love flicks and romantic comedies listed here. Haha it's not that I don't watch them, it's just that the movie industry is sooo saturated with romantic comedies and dramas. Everywhere you turn you see a movie poster of an upcoming love story. It gets really predictable and boring after a while. No doubt there are a few which stands out. And one of them is The Time Traveler's Wife.
After The Notebook, this is one of the saddest movies I have watched. It may be a bit lengthy and slow but I guess that plays a part in making it so heart-wrenching. I swear my heart was actually twisting in pain while watching this. Incredibly romantic and sweet. This is a true blue, classic love story. Girls, this will definitely go down well with you guys. As for the boys, it doesn't mean you're less manly by watching this. =)
6. Coraline (2009)
I'm a huge fan of cartoons and animated movies. I don't believe that you'll ever be too old for cartoons. I'm disgusted by people who say cartoons are for babies. Sometimes it is cartoons and animated movies that remind me how a movie really should be.
So for this list I have picked Coraline. Trust me, it is not a movie to bring little kids along to watch. Even for me I found it a little creepy. But that's also what I love about it. Other than it being a stop-motion film. I think it has important values to offer and confers a subliminal message that the viewers can each relate to.
7. Avatar (2009)
I think many of you were hoping to see Avatar on the list. Well here it is. But I'm going to say I did not enjoy the story. I felt it was so cliche and predictable. The embedded love story was so corny and I was thinking to myself while watching, 'Omg, such a great movie with awesome visuals but it has to have such a corny love story.'
What I love about Avatar is its amazing visuals and imaginativeness. I'm totally into fantasy movies and I absolutely love the entire world of Pandora. My favourite is how the forest ground and plants light up during the night. Almost fairytale-like.
So to sum it up, I love the visuals and effects but not the story. A part of me actually wishes that it was entirely about the Na'avi people with no humans involved. That would really make my whole fantasy movie thing.
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That's the end of the list. The reason why it stops at 7 and not 10 or 15 or something is because I feel if I were to set a number like say, 10, then I'd have think up an additional 3 when I only liked 7. So in a way the additional 3 movies would have been something that I liked less but I have to pretend that I like it more just so to make my numbers up to 10. Get it?
Anyhow I hope you enjoyed the list and if you any different opinions don't be shy, we can discuss about it. =)
Happy New Year!
I've Aged
Well, guess what? I've aged! It was my birthday yesterday and that marked the 19th year of my living and breathing. One might say 19-year-olds are still generally young, but when you think about it 19 years is quite a looong time. It's almost two decades. Wow. I sound old now =/.
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I'm feeling pretty blank here. I have no idea what to say. Sigh. It's just depressing. And I'm feeling just so tired. Not metaphorically, but physically and mentally. I know it's pointless and immature to whine, but I really need to let it all out. And besides, I rarely whine about anything in life. I embrace what I'm provided with and do not question it. Sometimes I just get really ticked off when I hear people complaining about mere inconveniences or sometimes even over nothing.
I always believe if you look at the brighter and more positive side of things, you'll see that things aren't half as bad as you may perceive them to be. A lot of things which people complain about, I had to work really hard for it, while they don't. So it just annoys me.
But I always try to keep it to myself. Why? 'Coz everyone's entitled to their own opinions, I can't tell them how or what to feel. However, I really do wish they would quit being so ignorant and start seeing their lives in a better light. It isn't as bad as they make it to be. It really does help to try to think more positively and be more understanding towards circumstances. Trust me, I've
been doing that all my life =).
Amazed by the Amazing
Everyday I can't help but just be amazed by the very existence of us. Anything I come across eg. a spoon, trains, highways, buttons etc. just don't fail to come across as fascinating to me. I mean just take a second and think about it. A large part of the world we live in is created by members of ourselves. To think that we are of such capability to create so many different systems that interact with one another on a daily basis. Just wow.
I know many Malaysians love to "talk" about the government; mainly about the way issues are handled. Many a time, I do agree. But there are times when I feel respect for them. Because when you really think about it, running a country with millions of people is not a piece of cake. There are laws to form, monetary issues to deal with, systems created for the conveniece of people and so much more. All in all, it comes down to the amazing endless capabilities of the human race.
We have come so far since the days of the cavemen. In those days, the main goal was to find shelter, hunt for food and reproduce. Now, we have a variety of goals to achieve in different aspects; career, education, society, personal, entertainment and so on. Everyday life is already complex on its own. From the moment you get out of bed to brush your teeth to cooking breakfast to catching the train to attend a class to eating at a restaurant for dinner to coming home for a warm shower. It may come across as any ordinary daily activity. But to look at it in a different perspective, as to how an ordinary day of a caveman would consist of running around with a spear and finding burning fire fascinating, I standing in nothing but awe.
We, the humans, are just soooo amazing. =D
Heart-Shaped Box by Joe Hill
Ah, finally another good book. I picked this book up when I went to the previous Big Bad Wolf Warehouse Sales. Books were really cheap there, averaging RM8 though of course you won't find popular international best-sellers there. Most of them were pretty much unknown here, which made it even better for me. =D
Anyway, I went to the sales alone as I couldn't find anyone to go with me. So I took my time and lugged 7 books back home.
Out of the 7 books, this book cover caught my eye the most. I guess you could say I do actually judge a book first by its cover. When I first saw this book, I instantly thought how the title sounds completely different from the cover illustrations and synopsis at the back. I discovered it was actually a horror book and I've always been a fan of horror but have yet to find any good, original ones. And something told me this one was gonna be good.
And yep I was right. Although it did take me a few weeks to finish it 'coz in between finishing I finished another book as well, "Acting It Up" by Melissa Nathan, a typical, predictable chic-lit (which I managed to finish during the weekend.) I guess the reason why I finished the chic-lit first was because I've always felt that they were easier to read. There's not so much to process, storyline is almost predictable. In other words, I guess you could say I was lazy to get some serious reading done.
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"Heart-Shaped Box" wasn't at all like how I predicted. The title alone is misleading, at first glance I thought it was another romance story. But it was more than that. (Note: It's actually a title of a Nirvana song). It tells a story of how middle-aged rock star Judas Coyne hears of someone selling a ghost on the Internet. Being a collector of various dark and macabre artefacts, Judas fell for the bait.
The ghost arrived in a black heart-shaped box and inside it was a suit that once belonged to the ghost. At its arrival, the house became cold, the dogs started barking and made Judas wonder if he was beginning to hallucinate things.
But it doesn't stop there. The ghost was "sent" to Judas for a reason. A reason so fearful that it made him run for his life.
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Joe Hill has done an excellent job keeping the atmosphere of this book with deep resonances of the dark and macabre. I find that this book maintains a good balance of reality and fantasy. Despite the mentioning of many occult and gothic elements, the true and masked horror contained here is the vicious cycle of human abuse. How victims of abuse can grow up to become an abuser themselves.
There is actually a bit of romance in this story , that is if you could actually call it romance. Judas has got a live-in girlfriend who was also dragged into his ghostly endeavours. At the beginning of the book, you could see that it was a love-hate thing. Of course, Judas being a rock star with an abusive background would have all emotions and sentimentality robbed of him. So, don't expect lots of "I love you"s. But there's something about Judas's character that's so well written that you will find him so likeable. Even his girlfriend's character will surprise you in the end.
All in all, I think that this book is worth wayyy much more than the price I paid. Nowadays, with so many books repeating the same themes especially chic-lits (sorry I just can't get my head around them =P) it's hard to find really good books that stands out. Sure, I do read Sophie Kinsella's Shopaholic series (in fact, it's the only chic-lit I like) but that's more for entertainment. To find something that can be appreciated as good literature is like finding a needle in a haystack.
Well at least to me. =D
P.S. I know I'm probably slower than others, but Green Day's latest album 21st Century Breakdown is awesome!
To put it blatantly, I'm terrified
I realized that it is the easiest for me to blog when I'm left completely alone in the room. Like now for instance. I suppose the quietness allows my thoughts to resonate purposefully without being diverted or distracted.
You know my parents have always been pretty hard on pushing us to strive to be the best but at the same time they will also remind us that they will always be someone out there better than us. Hmm...discouraging and contradicting, much? But anyhow, I don't see why we still should not try and perform our very best.
So yeah, in high school, I was pretty much among the top 10s or so especially in English, which my Dad is really particularly proud of. Sometimes he does it so often that I feel embarassed about it. Lol. But no that's not the bad thing.
The bad thing is, when I came to college, it didn't take me long to find myself struggling to be one of the best. And I don't think I've achieved it. Yet. I hope.
It just demoralizes me each time when I find out I'm lagging quite some way behind the better ones. And not too mention I feel like the dumbest among the other TWC Scholarship recipients. At times, I feel the pressure of the expectations placed upon me by so many people - lecturers, friends, parents and also the advertising company that is supposed to provide me with my very first job upon graduation. Every semester, they'll be updated with my progress in both academic and co-curricular terms. That itself is a very terrifying thought. =/
Honestly, I do feel that the subjects I have now is wayyy different and possibly harder than say subjects of maths and sciences. Why do I say this? Simply because most of the solutions in maths and science subjects are already pre-determined. It is pure objective facts and answers. 2+2 will always equals to 4 no matter who is the person answering it. Whereas in the subjects I do, most of the time the answers are very subjective. Scoring high marks will depend on how well you present your points and way of seeing things. Having perfect grammar and good command of English will only help to a certain extent. The rest is different. It depends on how good a communicator you are.
And that is where I think I'm lacking in. I was based on a maths and science background. I tend to see things one-way. My mind is very, very logically structured. But at the same time, I detest the maths and sciences. I believe I am flawed in that sense where I am not able see and write things on a more open end. However, I do think that since I am aware of my flaws there is a chance for me to improve on it though a lot of hard work and effort will be required.
The thing is, am I ready for it? Am I ready to spend hours reading and analysing proper references? Do I have the determination to do so?
Hmm I think I have spent more time than I should on enjoyment. I have been far too laid-back. Foundation year was a breeze and clearly degree is not the same. Time to step my game up. I already have the proper language tools, so might as well make the most of it. =)
You know, today is one of my "thinking" days. What are "thinking" days, you wonder? Well it's one of those days where my mind actually twitches enough to get me thinking. Thinking of what, you ask? Hmm, I suppose it's mostly things I would love to write and blog about but I can't. Why not? Because it may be a bit too opinionated and some people reading it may not necessarily see eye-to-eye with me. Hence, it becomes a no-go and I'll be compelled to discard that thought. =/
And that leaves me with a desolated blog. I don't know why but I don't really fancy posting up my everyday life with lots of pictures to accompany it. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against people who do it. In fact, I find it entertaining to read about other people's daily activities. It's just that I don't really feel thrilled to post up mine.
If you've noticed, you would see that my blog is mainly made up of words? There are very few pictures. Again, it's just something about me. I love seeing lots of words on a page. I suppose it makes me feel clever about myself =P. Lol.
Mmm...3:16am. I should really try to go to sleep. My new semester will be starting next week and my classes begins at 8:00am. Need to get used to waking up early again. But the thing is, I have been having problems falling asleep. I'd go to bed and lay there for more than an hour whilst the person next to me snores occasionally. And this happened pretty much every night for the past month. The other day I kinda felt this feeling of dread washed over me when the thought of sleep came into mind. Internally (and silently), I freaked out. I never thought I would feel afraid to go to bed.
There's something wrong with me isn't it? =/ *sigh*
Goodnight guys. Let's give going to sleep another try.